The Long Road Back
To Jesus From Afflictions
To Seer
When first invited to The Lord in my teen years it was my brother Ed who introduced me. A troubled childhood, and teen life consequently lead me to not getting the full understanding I needed. Sexual abuse, with lies and deception that alter my life. All these attacks were designed to keep me from Seeing. But later on after having a troubled teen daughter who ran away often pushes me to The Lord in my deepest despair. I came to know a woman of God named Rev. Jean Campbell, we called her Mother Campbell due to her nurturing ways, and how she reached out to others.
She ran a mission on H street NE Washington DC. Feeding the poor, and the homeless evenmore those who were strung out on drugs. She took an interest in me. Her mission was next door to a liquor store in my neighborhood that I went to often while going through the abscondence of my missing youngest daughter who sometimes be gone for months or more. Mother Campbell would head me off before entering into the Liquor store speaking about the man named Jesus. I began going to her Sunday service now and then.
One night coming home from work barely getting through the day, I stop in the liquor store to get something to drink along with a pack of smokes. After my eldest teen daughter went to bed, I went in my room to drink. This is what I rely on in order to get through the rough nights, crying myself to sleep. Very much afraid of that call, or doorbell ring from the police informing me my child was found dead somewhere. The mere thought of it brought on anxiety, with sleepless nights. But this night when I sat down something different came over me. I had the urge to go over to Mother Campbell’s mission.
When I walked in they were in the middle of prayer. They were praying for me. This night I had my first encounter with The Lord. He deliver me from cigarettes and alcohol another addiction after my crack drug addiction I had years before this. The Lord took the desire, and the taste away, when going through the hurt and pain. They were no longer my coping mechanisms to get through the painful nights. The Lord became my coping mechanisms. My desire for alcohol and cigarettes change to desiring The Lord. I no longer needed it to get through my fears, and anxiety.
Learning to depend on the Lord became my life. But there’s one thing that was absent which eventually lead me to go off course. It’s called Trust. Vulnerability, and loneliness, and a need for human companionship opens this door. I have told this true story in the memoir of my life title (Trusting In God While Pressing Through The Concrete Walls In the Pits of Society) so I will not go into where this lead. It’s apart of my book Title Desperately Seeking Jesus.
Life has a tendency to throw you curve balls while Satan continues to remind you of your past. Declaring you worthless, but Satan is a liar and the father of lies. Jesus says in (John 8:44 b.) He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speak a lie, he speak of his own, for he is a liar and the father of it. The path of destruction is a road I’m so familiar with. It’s the long road back from that path that becomes a long journey after you come to the end of yourself. Then and only then can The Lord pick you up where you left off, clean up your mess and steer you back on the right path of righteousness for His name sake.
There is a calling on our lives and The Lord is the one who selects, not man but God. Not by might nor by power, but by His Spirit (Zechariah 4:6). In the process of returning to The Lord, you will start walking into your calling. There are many obstacles that are thrown in your path. Some will hit you and trip you up, but each time Satan set a trap The Lord will bring you through it. If you fall get back up. Take the fall as a lesson learned, so when it comes around again you will be able to stand, then rebuke what the enemy throws at you.
Philippians 4:13 - By the power of The Holy Ghost all things are possible - You can do all things through Christ who Strengthens you. When The Enemy tries to remind you of your past failures, or the assaults you endured, for example rape, molestation, abuse mentally and physically, illness, unexplained injuries he inflicted upon your life and says in your spirit - Now where is your God? For me I been through all of what I just mention, and more. What this kind of abuse can do to the mindset is traumatic.
This can have you living beneath your potential. Some are not here today because they decided to take their own lives due to the mental effect it has done to there minds. Those things that the enemy use to weaken us is exactly what God will use to help strengthen you. So my answer to Satan when He ask me now where is your God - He Is right here with me as He heals me, strengthen me, He buffet me, shape me, mold me, preparing me, through it all to be able to stand in the evil day. These knock downs becomes our push ups. They will become your testimonies of how The Lord is bringing you through.
This will help others who have been, or are going through this kind of pain. No matter what it is you have, or haven’t done that makes you too ashamed to tell someone. I know a Savior you can talk to who will heal those old, and new wounds in His appointed time. He is very familiar with abuse, torture, and pain for wasn’t it He who paid the price for all the sins of humanity? This was His mission to come into the world, and put on flesh. Our Lord left His original habitation, and became the very thing He created by making Himself a sacrificial Lamb for the atonement of our sins.
Isaiah (53:5-8 )He was wounded (through serious abuse) for our transgression, bruise (beaten mangle) for our iniquities, The chastisement of our peace was upon him and by His stripes, (wounds, slashes, from the scourging, ripping of His flesh which is The Torn Veil that open the door for us to become children of God), we are healed. Psalm 51: 5-6 - We were born in sin and shaped in iniquity.
This is what Satan uses against us, our sin nature. He uses it through our weakness to lure us to transgress against The Lord. Recently The Lord revealed what He called me to be through the gifts He fashion in me, one being the gifts of dreams/vision. I been through so much abuse at a very young age even throughout my teens years, and early adulthood. It eventually muffled out the memories of how the dreams with symbolic messages first started. It was in my childhood dreams and nightmares the Lord brings me to recall to identify The I Am in me, and gifts He place in me to carry out His mission for my life.
This is what Satan uses against us, our sin nature. He uses it through our weakness to lure us to transgress against The Lord. Recently The Lord revealed what He called me to be through the gifts He fashion in me, one being the gifts of dreams/vision. I been through so much abuse at a very young age even throughout my teens years, and early adulthood. It eventually muffled out the memories of how the dreams with symbolic messages first started. It was in my childhood dreams and nightmares the Lord brings me to recall to identify The I Am in me, and gifts He place in me to carry out His mission for my life.
Can you imagine that? Now that The Lord is showing me the meaning of those dreams back then and how He sent angels to protect me unaware. This brings me to know He was there all the time, but I was to young to understand. Because of the molestation, the abuse, rape, beaten, and illness all the affliction Satan imposed upon my life pushed me into the loving arms of my Jesus. I like Joseph in the bible was pick on, and accuse by my siblings as being the spoiled child. I also was giving dreams.
I remember them but had no understanding what they were about. The real issue was the abuse I went through cause by a close relative who fondle me from the age of three up until the third grade. This person use to beat me with his hands whenever it seems I was acting up as they call it. When I did not want to stay behind when my mother goes to the store. He will beat me with open hands because I threw fits. My father never put his hands on me never spank the girls just the boys when they done something wrong.
This demonstration was so the boys can learn never to hit girls, but evidently it did not sink in. Pick on, tease and provoke to fight back sometimes got me a whooping by my mother when other siblings tease me, and I respond in anger. In one incident I threw a butter knife at one of my siblings at the age of four. The enemy use the envy of my relationship with my father and mother by being the baby girl to cause some of my siblings even to today to speak the lie of me being spoil.
The word Spoiled means - ruin, rotten, No good, decaying, perishing. Fruits are depose of when you discover that they are rotten. These are the words that permeated my mind from my early childhood. The Enemy uses my siblings to speak death over my life. These curses spoken into my life before I can know what life is. He uses the lustful urges of a boy to sexually assault me before I could know or understand what sex or love is.
But the fact that some sexual contact between siblings is normal has allowed society to ignore a lot of unhealthy behavior. Sexual activity between children for a long time has been regarded as harmless. Some evidence also suggests that parents are significantly more likely to blame and doubt their child when she or he was sexually abused by a minor than by an adult. Because children rarely report sibling sexual assault, and because parents frequently overlook it.
This demonstration was so the boys can learn never to hit girls, but evidently it did not sink in. Pick on, tease and provoke to fight back sometimes got me a whooping by my mother when other siblings tease me, and I respond in anger. In one incident I threw a butter knife at one of my siblings at the age of four. The enemy use the envy of my relationship with my father and mother by being the baby girl to cause some of my siblings even to today to speak the lie of me being spoil.
The word Spoiled means - ruin, rotten, No good, decaying, perishing. Fruits are depose of when you discover that they are rotten. These are the words that permeated my mind from my early childhood. The Enemy uses my siblings to speak death over my life. These curses spoken into my life before I can know what life is. He uses the lustful urges of a boy to sexually assault me before I could know or understand what sex or love is.
But the fact that some sexual contact between siblings is normal has allowed society to ignore a lot of unhealthy behavior. Sexual activity between children for a long time has been regarded as harmless. Some evidence also suggests that parents are significantly more likely to blame and doubt their child when she or he was sexually abused by a minor than by an adult. Because children rarely report sibling sexual assault, and because parents frequently overlook it.
This is a link to a blog on Sibling Sexual Abuse.
(It's Not Just Child's Play)
In spite of the sexual abuse I have been through as a child, and the emotional scars which could have made me lose my mind a long time ago, But God - He said before He formed me in my moms belly He knew me, and before I came forth out of her womb He sanctified me, and He ordain me a Seer / Prophetess.
The Lord said Every Seer is a Prophet, but every Prophet is not a Seer and I will learn this and the difference. Pray for me my Prayer warriors, It was hard for me to believe considering my past and all that has happened to me. Now that The Lord takes me to recall the things I went through back then even when I was rape at the age of fourteen. The Lord shows me why the Enemy has tried to take me out before my birth, and throughout my childhood to this very day.
My mother had problems in the last few months of her pregnancy with me in her womb. The Lord had me to ask her about it, and she began to recall my birth, and the complications she had. Her doctor put her on sedatives during the last stages of my development. When her labor began she went to the hospital they sent her back home where she end up having me. They said my birth weight was low, the lowest birth weight out of all the children.
She had to make my clothes because my size could not be found in the stores that’s how tiny I was, How she feed me was different than the others, I'm just finding all this out and it is overwhelming for me at this time. There were no baby pictures of me until third grade. Everyone had baby pictures in my family except me.
When our family first moved to Atlantic Street in SE DC I became a victim of bullying by a girl name Peaches at the age of five who continue through first to the third grade off and on until I fought back one day and won. Spit on by a girl I barely knew in school at the water fountain she was drinking from. She spew the water from her mouth right on me intentionally, then laughed as I stood there wet. She happens to be in a higher grade than I and bigger. I was in elementary school at the time.
The older girls in the neighborhood would try to beat me up discreetly because they fear my older sister. A new, but trouble boy that was put in my classroom choose to assault me because I refuse to give him a pencil a childhood classmate gave me. This boy name was Carlton Page He stood up, and started beating me furiously while I was sitting in my chair. The teacher had to pull him off of me that day. Also in the third grade I was bully by a girl very much older and bigger than I she taunted me going to and coming home from school. I attended a school named Draper.
I was Transferred to three different elementary schools due to zoning changes there goes that number three. My first school in this neighborhood was Henley meaning- High clearing. Draper- clothed merchant, then the new school built during those years named Highland Community School. Highland- meaning higher ground. It’s called Ferebee Hope now. The Holy Spirit shows me how the meaning the names points to The Lord's calling on my life three is a significant number in my life, as well as 111 awakening, reflects The Father, The Son and The Holy Ghost, also One God, One Faith, One Baptism. These numbers also stand for covenant.
A normal childhood is not what I had you will discover this when you read the book Desperately Seeking Jesus when it is published in The Lords appointed time. You will find more abuse that’s not mention here. The Lord who show me my past did so to reveal my calling, and how He sustains my mind to endure so much abuse the Enemy inflicted upon my life. When my Pastor announced my calling as a Seer while Rev. Karen Curry and Min. Eboney Shirley prayed over me after I came to the altar about the sermon Pastor just preach in Revelation on open doors in the spiritual realm, my eyes began to water up I could not stop the tears from flowing.
This is where the Lord had me all week showing me things about myself. The Lord said to me Pastor will confirm my calling as a Prophetess, so what the Lord was saying to me right out of Pastors mouth as soon as Pastor said Seer my childhood start flashing in my mind and I went down on my knees, tears continue to flow. The Holy Spirit was heavy on me. I realize why I remember my childhood, and all I’ve been through for such a time as this.
Under normal condition a person would have committed suicide by now never to reach Jr. High were life became even more difficult mostly after my father past on. These and other stories of my traumatic life are written in the book The Lord inspired me to write. Now that the Lord has brought me to the full understanding of who I am and my purpose. He has enhanced in me gifts to use to edify in The Body of Christ. Through my physical challenges of last year, and how The Lord show me that I was already operating in my gifts unknowingly. There was a dream I had I share with Pastor and this is it -
The dream shift to me being in what look like a warehouse helping a person carried a big sack that was attached to a pulley that slid across the ceiling, and I was pulling the rope, and it moved the enormous bag which had some special gifts in it (according to the man on the other side). The man voice said to me, the person did not finish getting it to the destination so it's mine since I finished the task of getting it across. I lowered the sack down from the ceiling. I was slowly releasing the rope, and it laid out on the floor in front of me, and in the sack it looked like wrapped gift boxes. I woke up before I got to see what the gifts were.
Dream on 5/21/16
I was at the church during worship services it was a youth service, and we had guests. One of the guests seem to be a well known Christian artist to everyone that was there. And his choir of young adults, and children was coming down the aisle (threshold) to the altar, they had flowers, and laid them down before they went down the aisle where I was sitting. I was sitting in the seats towards the back, and one of the ushers and I pick up these flowers to carry them to transport them out somewhere. We appear at a train or bus station. The usher that was with me went to board the train while I was still standing there with the flowers in my hand.
When I go out there are strangers I meet in the store, or the doctors who would spilled out their problems, or there trauma to me. I prayed over a range of people, from a mother and child about to become homeless, to a wife who has just buried her husband. A young women with HIV who told not her fiance she still engaged in intercourse with about her illness. A few had diabetes, some recovering from heart attacks, some dealing with cancer, and those grieving the passing of loved ones, this is just a few of my encounters of people who I knew not.
The Lord put them in my path to speak to. I use to mention these events in Sunday School class, and I would say who do these people think I am. I’m no psychologist, little did I know it was a part of my calling. No matter where I go The Lord will use me to speak into somebody Spirit. One of the gifts I'm not to crazy about is when I pray over them I feel their pain really, I feel their heaviness of there hearts as well as there physical hurt to the point I became careful of who touch me, or I touch, or I hug, or hug me this seem crazy.
The Lord selects who can pray over me. I have come to realize that everyone The Lord had me to speak to was someone who use to go to church, but stop for whatever reason, or one who is already a Christian going through some serious issues. I mean even when I was sick in the hospital on two different occasion. Everything is starting to make sense, and the urge to share the Word of God continues to increase.
Something comes over me that has me to have to speak, and share the Word of God. This I did always in Sunday School class. The urges sometimes was overwhelming. I had to raise my finger to help me stay under control, so I would not speak out of term during the lesson because I was anxious to share what the Lord has revealed to me. My alone time with The Lord is precious to me. I had much of it during my trials last year and it has increase.
In my pain The Lord push out of me the devotionals that became a road map to my calling. I had no idea until The Lord had me go through the devotionals, and each time he began revealing to me my calling in my past dreams, as well as the dreams I have now. This is my first acknowledgement of who The Lord call me to be. I know there is way more preparation and training in order for me to truly understand and operate in the fullness of the anointing that’s enhancing the gifts The Lord planted in me.
The Lord Had me to title this (The Long Road Back to Jesus) after He revealed to me my abcondence when I choose to run when He was calling me higher. Forgive me my transgression Lord for it was you and you alone I sin against, when you use Mother Campbell to tried to bring me to your calling in my life like Jonah I ran, not for the same reason, but I was thinking there is no way I am a Minister, Deacon of any kind or any spiritual leader.
Mother Campbell kept putting me around leaders in churches, and deacons. We went to different churches then pushing me to speak on the Word of God in front of People in the mission as well as around other leaders she knew which had me to back up and slowly stop going to the mission. She use to say to me The Lord has His hands on me. I use to witness some people fighting over entitlement, one felt Mother was holding them back from being a minster, and argue when she did not sign off for his training.
These things they argue about I surely did not want, but this is exactly what she was trying to bring me to. The shame of my life, and the things I had done convince me this was not for me. Fearing they will find out about my abuse. Thinking how damage I really am would bring ridicule and judgment this is what Satan will whisper in my Spirit. What would they think of me? I must have deserve all that has happen to me, otherwise why would a God that love me so much allow this to happen? I felt My actions merit it.
I use to be afraid of thunderstorms thinking The Lord is going to strike me down sooner or later since my childhood. Trying to be tough but the hidden fears will surface on occasion. In my childhood dreams of a dark shadow of a person always chased me, and I will awaking just as he caught up with me. When I was little I would run into the room of my mom and dad for security, and jump in their bed and stay there. I recall this because the same security I felt then is what I feel when I go to the Lord in prayer.
When I seek His face and jump in the arms of The Almighty God to protect me from my dreams, but instead of saying it’s just a dream He comforts me and declare it’s a mission, and with His hand He’s walking me through it. This was not always so. Gearing off path lead me through some serious obstacles that only The True and living God can bring a person through. Revealing to me some occasion when I knew I should have not survived, But God.
Introducing myself is sometimes difficult, mostly when a question in your mind ask you who are you really? I became to believe my calling is to be a Sunday School teacher, Evangelist, but the Spirit of The Lord said more than that, and gave me more dreams, visions when I unlearned was afraid of these dreams because of the unknown details. And because they came true, as a child I thought if I put them out of my mind they would go away and not come true, but that did not stop the dreams.
Now in Christ these dreams, and vision The Lord is revealing them to me in an unusual way through different circumstances and in my alone time with Him. This relationship with The Lord comes with many trails, and valleys, and wilderness and Strict Obedience. There are those isolation periods He puts me in. This is when He shuts out any worldly provision or contacts while I’m waiting on The Lord’s next direction, and His Word to purpose my next step.
Listen for the Not Yet, which is really saying wait on me and I will show you great and mighty things that you knew not. In the revelation Five Pie's The Lord’s Order, The Lord gave me through a dream and revealed to me as He instructs my writing, Like at this moment He brought to me the number 333 and sends me to Jeremiah 33.3 Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.
So go to The Light, for Jesus is the Light of the world. The Word Light which means - The natural agent that stimulates sight and makes things visible. I call on The Lord as He opens my Eyes to See my way back to Him and to continue on the road He places me on as I travail meaning - engage in painful or laborious effort through divine intervention and go through each Door He Opens Amen!
God Will Open Doors
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In The Sincerity of The Holy Spirit
Sister Seer Trudy